Monday, June 8, 2015

Path of Rediscovery: Part 1

This has been a long year so far and it's only halfway over.
Constant change.
Having to adjust to these changes.
My mom and dad have always joked around and said "things always happen in threes!"
I didn't believe that until I began noticing that it was true.
Things happen in threes.
Good and bad.

Lately, I've had a whopping 3 bad and 3 good.
Unfortunately, the bad just lasts for (what feels like) forever..
I tried to focus on positive things that were going on but I felt like I was being crushed by negative.
Things just kept happening and part of it made me sick.
One night I fell to the floor and just cried.
I kept asking God why these things kept happening and why I felt like everything kept falling apart.
After about an hour or so of constant sobbing and praying, I made it to my bed.
That next morning, I woke up different.
I woke up with clear eyes (minus the grogginess from the tears the night before) and hurting soul.

I laid in my bed for a little while and just stared at my ceiling.
I wished none of it had happened.
I hoped that I was in the daze of unreality.
What do I do now?
How do I move on?
Who am I?

What am I supposed to do?
I began to lose myself over the past few months and I'm paying for it.
Granted, I'm not blaming myself, I'm just saying that my surroundings and such were having such an affect on me that I forgot who I was.
It's silly, I know, but it happens.

So far, I've been doing everything I can to keep pushing.
I have this phrase that I've been telling myself and that I say to help boost myself up.
Now, before you people freak out, I know I'm flaw-ful, not flawless.
It's just something that helps me think, "Girl, you're great. You are awesome and you are strong."
Some of my friends have seen this change in me.
So much that I'm pretty sure they get sick of me saying it.
(Sorry not sorry hahaha. Love youuuu)
In all honesty, it's really helped.
It's shown me that I truly am important and strong and that no matter what life is throwing at me, that I will find a way to push through.

This is by no means the end of this path.
In fact, it's barely starting.
Life doesn't stop and neither do I.

Because flawless.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Closer & Closer.

I found out a few days ago that I only need 3 classes to be able to graduate.
7 HOURS to graduate.
I'm in complete awe and excitement.
I came into the collegiate world with 0 hours and now I'm close to the finish line.
I'm not done yet, but I am motivated and pushing myself everyday to finish strong.
I just wanted to thank a few people for pushing me and supporting me.
I don't tell them enough and I'm so very grateful for them.

To my parents, Sandy & Kevin,
Mom. Dad. Thank you both. You never gave up on me and never will. I appreciate you dealing with me, answering my calls at all hours of the day and for pushing me. You helped me figure out a lot in my life and told me that once I put my mind to it, I would do it. And you were right (there, I said it). I love y'all.

To my siblings & brother-in-law,
You guys are the best. Kaleigh and Brandon, y'all have helped me figure a lot out about school and how to get to where my degree will take me. Cody & Maggie, y'all are the sweetest younger (because little isn't really applicable) brother and sister I could ask for. Even though we don't always see eye-to-eye, I wanted to show you that if I can do it, you can definitely do it. Keep pushing.

To my amazing, best(est) friends,
Y'all. I wouldn't have survived college life with out you all here. From the late night froyo to the outrageous Zumba times, I'm so grateful for y'all. Y'all have been there when my family wasn't able to be there (in physical sense...because 8 hours is forever away) and told me to suck it up and push through it. Y'all have been my shoulder and support and always will be. Love youuuuu. <3

To Dr. Stephenson,
Thank you so much. You've helped me figure a lot out when it comes to college. You made me get on that freaking plane and I'm so thankful for that. You made time for me just so we can talk about life and you're definitely someone I look up to. Thank you for all you've done. I'm sure you'll get an e-mail from me soon so we can chat. Thank you.

To those who told me I couldn't do it,
Thank you. You are one of the main reasons why I am still here. You are the ones who said I wasn't smart enough, good enough and would never do anything with my life. You doubted my ability to do this. Thanks for being that motivation. I just wanted to tell you, I'm here and I will finish.

I'm so close to being done and I'm pushing myself everyday to keep going. I'm going to finish and I'm going to finish strong.
I can't wait to have that degree in my hand and it's going to be awesome.