Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Forgiveness is such a strong word.
It's such a hard thing to do as well.
There comes a time where you become so hurt, you feel like you can never forgive.
And on the opposite of that, there are so many times we feel like we don't deserve forgiveness.
You think about the past and what lead you to where you are, I know I do often.
I become so lost in the things I've done and what I wished I would've done different, but it's all done.
There's nothing I can really do.

Forgiving sounds easy, right?
All you have to do is go up to that person and say, "Hey, I'm really sorry for A, B, and C. Can you forgive me?"
Yeah, I think it all out in my head that way, but it usually turns into me stuttering for five minutes and finally either giving up or saying something along the lines of, "I'm not perfect, I messed up, and you should forgive me."
NO; I can't keep doing that to myself because I feel so much worse.
I have to process things before I can move on.
If something major happens in my life, I have to sit down, think about it, and figure out what the heck I'm going to do.
I get in this phase of trying to figure out what I could do to be the "good friend who never screws up" but honestly, no such thing exists.
Imperfections surround my life and sometimes, I get lost in them.
I screw up often and definitely don't always make it right.
I get to the point of where I don't feel like someone could forgive me.
And on the other hand, I don't always want to forgive someone who's done me wrong.
It doesn't really seem fair because they're the ones who messed up and should be down at my feet, begging for me to forgive them.
That's not okay.
When did this perception get so screwed up?
Was it because of what they did or is it because I made it seem worse than it really is?
This seems so silly.

Another hard part of forgiving is the part where you let go and forget it.
Now, some say you never want to forget what you forgave them for, and that may be the case, but for me...
Why hold onto something that's been forgiven?
If you fully forgive them and they're completely sincere, why hold onto that baggage?
It's just going to drag you down.
There's been times where I don't want to forgive someone because they've done something that's hurt me so deep that it's almost impossible to let go of....but that moment that you let go of it, that feeling....being completely free of that hurt or guilt, that's what makes it worth it.
Letting go and moving on from it is so beautiful.
You feel different; inside and out.
Isn't it worth it?

“Alles ist seinen Preis wert.”

"All things are worth their price."
How amazing is that?
Isn't it worth it?
Letting go.
Moving on.
Being free of these burdens.
Forgiving those who've hurt you.
Asking ones you've hurt for their forgiveness.
It's worth it.