Onward

Another year in the books.
Finally.
People talk about resolutions they want to make and leaves they want to turn, but me....well, I have to disagree with the thought.
Yes, there are things that I want to change and do better, but it shouldn't be JUST the new year that is going to make it happen.
It seems quite silly actually.
We just give the excuse, "It's a fresh start which means a new and fresh me."
As odd as it may seem, it just doesn't "start over".
There is no 2012 again....ever.
It's gone.
You can't "start over" and try the year over again.
You just have to start with an open mind, but.......
I go to the fact that God doesn't start over on us; he NEVER gives up on us.
I can assure you that I had MANY times this year where I just wanted to say, "Forget it. I give up."
In some cases, I did.
It's funny because obviously even though I said it, I didn't.
So I say to this, I will welcome the things that are headed my way.
Good and bad.
I'm sticking with it.
I'm prepared for the hurt that I'm going to feel.
I'm ready for the successes I will accomplish.
I have my mind set on the goals that I have to tackle and I won't stop fighting for them.
I'm embracing 2013 with open arms and giving 2012 a kiss goodbye.
Thanks and Gig 'em.









I do, before I go, want to show a few of my favorite moments from this year.
Showing them and seeing them makes me smile.

Mission 'X' carried out by the boys <3 

Team Toothless.

many baking adventures.

The Rocket Summer! <3

saving my baby girl, 

and watching her grow. :3

© E. Stevens Photography 2012

watching my sister fall in love and get engaged to the man of her dreams.

even though it's silly, I got a reply from one of the biggest inspirations I have! :D

becoming an RA and having an awesome, kick-butt staff. ;)

sassy.

meeting this awesome guy-whatadayderek. ;)

best friends who find ways to make you melt <3

watching my Ags, and finding some of my favorite people in random places.

going to Songfest with Kelsie... ;)

meeting Aaron Gillespie.

going to Costa Rica....kicking and screaming. :)

having my own Skype concert with one of my absolute favorite artists, Austin Nivarel.

having a best friend who has been there for you and always will be.

and lastly, for growing.

Thanks for sticking with me and helping me realize that I can do this.

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."   -Psalm 16:11

Fear.

Like most people, I fear a lot of things.
Irrational and rational.
My biggest one is failure.
I know a lot of people who have this fear, but I hate admitting that I do.
I have a fear of failure.
If one thing messes up, I feel like everything is messed up.
Well, I've done a lot of thinking about this.
Failure is a part of life, obviously.
After everything that's happened this past semester, it hit me in the face yesterday.
I messed up.
I failed.
It was right in front of me and I can't go back and fix it.
Seems a little intense right?
I felt like I could somehow pull it off, but I saw that I didn't.
Did it hurt? 

Crushing is what it is.
After crying and moping around for a few hours, I realized I needed to rethink what I'm doing;
"Is this really for me?" "Is this what I want to do?"
The biggest out of the many questions I was asking myself was, "Is this the path that God is wanting me to go down?"
I'm scared, no, petrified.
I don't know what God is wanting me to do or where He is wanting me to go.
Especially after what I realized yesterday, I'm really lost.
There have been so many times that I've wanted to just give up and call it quits, but I think this time was the biggest.
I kept telling myself that I am nothing more than an average person with average grades in an average life.
I have fought that off for so long and yesterday it took a toll on me.
I realized that I'm not average, I'm not like anyone else, and I have to figure what in the heck is going on.
It's not going to be easy.
If it was meant to be easy, God would've put wings on my back and let me do whatever.
Instead, He is going to direct me somewhere else and help get me back to where I need to be.

"One of the greatest discoveries a person makes, one of their great surprises, is to find they can do what they were afraid they couldn't do." -Henry Ford

"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius

"I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back." -Abraham Lincoln

"All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -Walt Disney

We all have times in our life where we are going to fail.
One of mine is now.
Getting up from this isn't going to be easy, but whatever it takes, I will get back to where I need to be, and I will soar.

"He gives strength to weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:29-31