Monday, June 8, 2015

Path of Rediscovery: Part 1

This has been a long year so far and it's only halfway over.
Constant change.
Having to adjust to these changes.
My mom and dad have always joked around and said "things always happen in threes!"
I didn't believe that until I began noticing that it was true.
Things happen in threes.
Good and bad.

Lately, I've had a whopping 3 bad and 3 good.
Unfortunately, the bad just lasts for (what feels like) forever..
I tried to focus on positive things that were going on but I felt like I was being crushed by negative.
Things just kept happening and part of it made me sick.
One night I fell to the floor and just cried.
I kept asking God why these things kept happening and why I felt like everything kept falling apart.
After about an hour or so of constant sobbing and praying, I made it to my bed.
That next morning, I woke up different.
I woke up with clear eyes (minus the grogginess from the tears the night before) and hurting soul.

I laid in my bed for a little while and just stared at my ceiling.
I wished none of it had happened.
I hoped that I was in the daze of unreality.
What do I do now?
How do I move on?
Who am I?

What am I supposed to do?
I began to lose myself over the past few months and I'm paying for it.
Granted, I'm not blaming myself, I'm just saying that my surroundings and such were having such an affect on me that I forgot who I was.
It's silly, I know, but it happens.

So far, I've been doing everything I can to keep pushing.
I have this phrase that I've been telling myself and that I say to help boost myself up.
Now, before you people freak out, I know I'm flaw-ful, not flawless.
It's just something that helps me think, "Girl, you're great. You are awesome and you are strong."
Some of my friends have seen this change in me.
So much that I'm pretty sure they get sick of me saying it.
(Sorry not sorry hahaha. Love youuuu)
In all honesty, it's really helped.
It's shown me that I truly am important and strong and that no matter what life is throwing at me, that I will find a way to push through.

This is by no means the end of this path.
In fact, it's barely starting.
Life doesn't stop and neither do I.

Because flawless.